The One With The Avengers And Their Feminine Wiles
by ThePointGirl
Summary: Tony had had enough, his nerves and his sanity could not deal any longer with this nonsense. It seems like a parallel reality has joined with that of the Avengers, and in this they are five women and one man. Now how the hell did that happen? It's not that fun, it's weird, and they all learn a little about what it means to be and Avenger, but also what it means to be human.


**Title: **The One With The Avengers And Their Feminine Wiles

**Disclaimer: **Marvel owns these guys but the others are all mine XD

**Notes: **The first chapter is here just to see if the idea takes off, and if it does I shall add the second chapter which is partway through.

Plus, this is for my friends Claire and Dillon.

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

**Outside Starbucks Coffee House, 13:32pm**

'Captain Stephanie Rogers. How do you do?' the woman asked, holding out her hand with an air of sincerity that Tony didn't doubt was real.

'You've gotta be kidding me' Tony replied, looking her up and down.

The scene had gone somewhere along the lines of this: Tony had stepped out of the coffee shop, coffee in hand (a caramel latte that he had tried once when he had stolen Pepper's coffee – and never admitted he liked; but one would occasionally turn up on his desk after a long session in his lab), turned around and walked near enough straight into the woman he was currently talking to.

'Sweetheart, you're gorgeous and everything – but really?' Tony asked, confused, because the woman was had the air of a '40s girl – lush curly blond hair, dress to her knees. Tony shook her hand, a warm, soft palm that pressed his hand gently but firmly. He knew Steve had fangirls, he didn't know they were quite as crazy as this. Then again, the super soldier did attract more young female fans than Canada's own Justin Bieber, because well it's the 'pretty boy' thing, he's not going to explain it but one holds a mic and the other wields a shield and has rescued kittens from trees. Anyway, he digresses. Not that Steve ever understood why or took advantage of the young audience – perhaps too young, some of them (cite the 11 year old girl who insisted on only being helped out by Captain America and no other Avenger would do – long story he'll tell it another day). Huh. Steve's loss. The woman faltered, eyebrows knotting adorably. She was cute, in that 'all American girl' kind of way.

'Do you happen know where Ole Miss Louise coffee shop is?' she asked, looking over his shoulder for a moment.

'Ole Miss? She closed down years ago, before you were born probably.' That caused a flicker of _hurt, guilt_ and Tony just caught it. Steve would do that sometimes… how weird.

Before Tony could do or say anything else a darker haired woman brushed past him, ignoring him completely – where had she come from? She wasn't in the shop a few minutes ago. He would have noticed because _wow. _The woman, although shorter than blondie, had sharp attractive features and dark round eyes. She also had on a women's Tom Ford suit, with an open shirt and Dior sunglasses pushed up on top of her head.

'Steph! You're early, dammit'

'Oh. Sorry. Toni how many cups have you had today?' she asked, warily eyeing the cup in the woman's hand.

'Leave it alone. This is my second. Who's this?' the woman asked, her eyes darting from 'Steph' to Tony.

'He told me that Ole Miss had closed down' Steph said, not pouting but almost.

'Oh god yes, that hasn't been here for who knows how long. Great you're making friends – cool – but we gotta get going. Wow, I'm never the one saying that' she stopped, feigned a bright smile for him and almost pulled the woman called Steph down the street.

'Nice talking to you' Steph called, her dress swinging in that way all 40s dresses do in old reels and movies.

'See you later' Tony said and for the first time since Natasha had hit him, he was completely baffled.

* * *

**Tony's Lab, 18:22pm**

'Tony, what are you talking about?' Bruce asked; frowning at him over his glasses like a teacher concerned about a hyperactive student.

'I'm saying that it's awesome but a little creepy y'know?'

'What, that the Captain has more fans than Iron Man?' Bruce asked. Tony raised an eyebrow at the chemist whose mouth twitched into a smile.

'He doesn't. I'm not talking about little girls who want his babies' Tony waved his hand in dismissal, briefly catching the look of disgust that morphed Bruce's face because _yeah_ _maybe that wasn't the best way to emphasize his point but '_– I'm talking of grown women. She introduced herself as Captain _Stephanie _Rogers: how is that not weird to you?!'

'Firstly, too much information with the whole carrying of Captain America's children thing I don't want to – irrelevant – it is strange, I agree with you. Perhaps it was a 'try to make Tony Stark gawp like an idiot' thing' Bruce pushed up his glasses and Tony pursed his lips.

Not amusing.

'I didn't gawp – although the idea that people would go out of their way to make me uncomfortable is kinda awesome but also really not –'

Tony was interrupted once more, this time by JARVIS.

'Sir, I would like to announce that you and Dr Banner are requested to make your way to the dining room. Dinner is ready' JARVIS said simply.

'Thanks JARVIS'

* * *

**Dinner table, 18:30pm**

When you're sat around the dinner table with five other people who in their own special way are nuts, certain topics of conversation are avoided like the plague. For instance, you do not talk Bourne movies with Clint for some moronic reason he has a list for reasons he doesn't like them (perhaps the combat style wasn't up to scratch or something, S.H.E.I.L.D agents were touchy about those things you know!) and Tony has given up in arguing it's just – no. Matt Damon was good and that Renner guy wasn't bad! You stay away from talking about Revolutionary Road or even – god forbid – Pride and Prejudice with Steve because apparently even Tony couldn't win that debate. Steve likes Pride and Prejudice after Pepper lent him her copy (Tony doesn't – never has and never will no matter how many adaptations they produce of that damned book) and he got too emotionally invested in Revolutionary Road which no man should do (again, Tony doesn't get the hype). A conversation about the compounds in food sources and additives that make America go round and why peanut butter sticks to ceilings ended up in a juvenile food fight with Bruce and then Thor because you shouldn't correct Dr Banner on such things. Tony got a cheek of marshmallow for that and was suitably surprised when he's friend didn't Hulk out for the entirety. Maybe Bruce's proving he was right was the explanation.

However, topics such as 'Steve's fangirls who are nuts and belong in crazy homes' are deemed appropriate.

Well, by Tony, anyhow. Four syllables into Tony's sentence, Bruce who was sat next to him, made a resigned and pained noise next to him.

'You know Stark, they could have been just trying to piss you off' Clint shrugged, pulling from his beer.

'Really, Barton?' Tony asked, pausing between a forkful of spaghetti.

Whenever Tony deemed it the proper time to annoy the living crap out of Clint, he referred to him as Barton, and Clint reciprocated. It's not frequent, but Clint does actually – occasionally - call Tony, _Tony._

'Ur guys'

'I don't understand, if this young lady was dressed so as to impersonate the good Captain, what is this to do with Tony?' Thor asked over the nattering of voices and clinking of cutlery on plates.

'Guys'

'That's because, Thor- '

'Guys!'

Tony looked at Steve who had a slightly embarrassed but stern expression on his face. 'While you all seem to be taking such an interest in this, could you possibly talk about it when I'm not here?' Steve asked, looking at each guilty party.

'We're just concerned for your safety Cap' Clint said, grinning at Steve widely in his stupid but best expression: the expression Tony had seen him use on Fury and Hill previously (that school boy grin even Tony couldn't do which soured him).

'Right, because they're a real threat, I realise' and man, Fury needed to hear Captain Perfect use sarcasm. Tony chuckled and Steve looked at him blankly before breaking into a grin of his own.

Natasha smirked. Soon the whole gang was laughing.

This was nice.

This, Tony could get used to.

* * *

**Living room, two weeks later, 12:16pm**

One instance of bumping into fangirls of theirs was odd but Tony could deal, two was strange. But considering their ever-increasing presence in the media it wasn't impossible. Five got Tony sprawled on the couch and scowling at the ceiling, while Pepper paused at the doorway, picked up a cushion and threw it at him.

'Pep!'

'C'mon Tony, stop acting like a thirteen year old girl, it really doesn't suit you'

'I'm not mooning. The fact that both Barton and Rogers both have weird fans just shows that I'm the most awesome. I inspire those around me not drive people to bouts of insanity'

'Uhuh. Yeah, well those two men do not have a company stock sales meeting to get to. So shift' Pepper appeared in his peripheral, a small but mocking smile on her lips. Tony grumbled and slowly got himself into a sitting position which took way more energy than was really necessary. Pepper's response was to ruffle his hair and comb her hand through it, he couldn't tell whether that was her being affectionate or trying to make him appear more like someone in charge of one the of the biggest companies in the world. That was Pepper for you.

So, Tony grabbed his Stark PADD, sent a quick note to Bruce who was working on a formula and told him to quit on it for a couple of hours till Tony got back, snatched his jacket and left with Pepper.

'Do you know how frustrating it is to sit through a PowerPoint presentation by someone 40 IQ points lower than you?!' Tony whispered to Pepper as the man in question, head of Stocks and Sales, walked towards him with a bright smile on his face. Pepper hit him lightly on the arm with the back of her hand. But she was smirking!

_Ha! Take that Mr Harrow, even Miss Potts agrees!_

Halfway through the meeting – Tony had switched off and was playing Angry Birds on his PADD and scanning over a schematic for a gun for Natasha because… yeah …a notification popped up. Thor had been known to send Tony random memes etc that he found while Tony was supposed to be in supervisory meetings, so technically it wasn't _his _fault that he drifted. However, this wasn't from Thor or Clint in fact. This was from Steve. Tony tapped on it and it opened up.

_Tony, I wondered whether you would give me an opinion of this._

This could be anything. Tony's brain calculated roughly twelve different options and a few may have made the Captain blush. He took a leap of faith and concluded that whatever Steve had sent him was likely to be more interesting than Mr Harrow's current train of speech. Tony tapped the screen and he found himself looking at a colour drawing of a café from Steve's point of view. Steve's drawings were usually private, located in his various sketchbooks that Tony knew to not look at without the super soldier's permission but Steve had volunteered this – also he had scanned the drawing on to the Stark very competently, so he was getting the hang of technology faster than he made out. Tony enhanced the image, zooming in and out, he knew where this was and Christ Steve was a good artist. The detail was outstanding, not that Tony didn't already know this but y'know. He paused on a woman sat almost opposite Steve. He knew her – she was the one from the coffee shop who had called herself Captain Rogers! Her head was bent slightly, focusing on the table. Her hand held a pencil and she was… drawing. _No._ This was too bizarre. Tony blinked. Detecting the meeting was coming to an end he sent the image to Pepper. Once Mr Harrow had packed up and left and they were leaving the sixth floor of the building, Tony asked:

'Tell me I'm nuts. It's the same woman!' Tony prodded and Pepper nodded slowly.

'Okay, so she's an artist like Steve. It's not uncommon, Tony'

'Statistically in New York, a woman of her age, maybe not but it's _everything _Pep. It's how she's sitting, it's her hair for Christ's sake!' Tony flapped and Pepper raised a plucked eyebrow at him.

'She's certainly made an impression on Tony Stark' Pepper said and Tony's shoulders slumped. That wasn't what he meant.

'You know that's not why I'm saying this. She's so like him, Pep. Like –' Tony slanted his mouth, and Pepper waited. 'Like if Steve Rogers _was _a woman' and yep that sounded ridiculous even to his own ears but he didn't quite expect the sudden laughter emitting from Pepper.

'Oh, Tony that's good. You should tell Steve that' she grinned, blue eyes dancing.

'As if I'm going to' Tony said.

He had had a conversation similar to that one with Clint one evening when they had both had one too many beers, the proposition of whether you would 'date' the female version of superficial reaction of both men was to say '_yes, of course'. _On the other hand, as they actually began pulling the idea a part it just became _wrong._

And that was that.

* * *

**Week after that, New York City, 15:11pm**

The villain of the week and his minions caused absolute havoc on 22nd street and Iron Man was hovering over the a mass of crushed cars, using his shoulder mounted personnel guns to clear the tracks when an arrow sailed past his faceplate on the left side hitting a minion in the neck. He used the 360 degree vision and tracking to see where it had come from and got confused because Hawkeye was with Cap down the other side of the street. Unless Clint had other powers Tony hadn't seen, that wasn't Clint. Iron Man jetted skyward and found the source of the well-aimed arrow. Crouched on the top of the shop, firing arrows with determination was a short-ish woman in a purple and black sleeveless outfit. Brown to dirty blonde hair in a short bob cut and plain features, she swivelled and let loose an arrow straight at Tony. The Iron Man suit repelled the arrow, but Tony frowned and lowered himself. The woman stopped, her bow paused, eyes roaming over the suit.

'The hell is that suit? You look like a man, Stark' said the low but smooth voice and Tony's eyebrows shot up under the faceplate.

_What…?_

'_Iron Man what's your position?' _

Captain America's voice asked over the comm.

'_Tony?' _

'Yeah, above the menswear store, 335 feet away from you' Tony answered and the woman's eyes went comically wide.

'Uh, Captain we have problem' she said.

'_Yes Hawkeye?' _

Tony had had enough, his nerves and his sanity could not deal any longer with this nonsense. He manhandled the woman, and powered into the air, the woman flailed and cursed the way down. S.H.E.I.L.D had begun to take care of the clean up as the fight was slowly winding down, Tony blasting a rubbish can to allow Thor to take care of a rather nuisance making follower.

Eventually, Tony reached street level and let go of the woman in question.

'Tony! What?-' but Steve stopped, staring incredulously behind Tony. He had JARVIS locate the movement and then had to turn around because what the fuck was that?

Powering down elegantly was Iron Man. Or should he say Iron _Woman_. The suit was near enough perfect according to his (Tony's) scanners and yet it wasn't _the_ suit, _his suit_. The alloy was lighter; it was moulded to fit a shape that just wasn't Tony Stark. Then the faceplate opened and Tony recognised her. The hot dark haired woman from outside the coffee shop!

'Look what the hell! We were doing fine and then you idiots showed up'

'Thought it wasn't you, Stark' the small archer next to him said. Tony opened his faceplate and grinned as a look of dawning recognition settled over the dark haired woman. Damn, the red gold armour did her benefits.

'You' she said simply, '_Ur Cap, might want to come over here a second' _she said and her gaze had now locked onto Steve, whose eyes were trying to process the information he'd gathered.

Tony knew how he felt.

This, right here, wasn't possible!

'Toni! What-' and… Jesus Christ.

Wielding the shield which was iconic to people everywhere, a pretty blonde – who Tony had bumped into and who had asked about Ole Miss Louise's coffee shop! – skidded to a halt on the loose road surface.

'What's going on here?' both Steve and _Stephanie _said pretty much at the same time causing one to glance at the other.

'Look, I get that you're a fan of Captain America but-'

'Fan? Excuse me, my name is Captain Rogers and I don't know what you're talking about. I am Captain America'. Her blue eyes blazed and – _wow- _that was fire_. _

Up went the smaller archer's bow and arrow, and that was quite intimidating, he had to admit.

'Sorry, but who are you?' Steve asked to the woman with the bow.

'Hawkeye otherwise known as Barton, Claire' she said through gritted teeth, hand flexing on her bow – Clint had the same issue. PTSD or something. Speaking of Katniss.

'_Hawkeye. Thor. Get your asses over here' _Tony said into the comm.

Natasha had been sent on an assignment and wasn't due back till this weekend, so she was missing out on the fun and Bruce had stayed back this time for reasons Tony didn't press no matter how much he wanted to.

'I'm seeing a theme here' Steve muttered, taking breath.

'Toni Stark of Stark Enterprises or aka Iron Lady' Tony nodded at her, smiling slowly.

'I think we should tell Fury' Steve said to Tony.

'You know Colonel Fury?' Stephanie asked Steve, who nodded.

'He's our boss. What do you know about him?'

'Are you kidding, he's the reason why we're here' Claire said.

'Ditto' and Iron Lady did not sound much amused.

'Hey kids, what's going on?' Hawkeye, as in the real one, jumped over a car and jogged up to Tony before that blond brain of his caught up. 'Did we miss something?' Hawkeye muttered not taking his eyes off Claire.

'Yeah, Clint. Meet Claire Barton aka Hawkeye' and the hard gaze that met his was strikingly familiar.

'I bet she can't even shoot' Clint said. Steve stiffened but Tony knew what the archer was up to. He was testing the waters, seeing her reaction.

'Try me big guy' she challenged.

Tony took her up on that and fired a plasma grenade into the air from his wrist launchers, without moving any other body part.

What they saw was awesome.

A blink of a look at the grenade the woman shot an arrow and bang went the grenade.

'Can't shoot, huh?'

For what it's worth Clint was really trying to not look impressed.

* * *

**The next day after the minion incident, 11:13am**

Tony is a Stark and he's proud to say he's seen some weird – albeit a bit kinky– stuff, but this just about made the mark. After a mad shouting match with Fury, several DNA tests to prove that _yes_, the lovely ladies really were who they said they were, the whole crew was debriefed and sent on their way.

On being introduced to _Thora_, and idly watching her first encounter with Thor, Tony still swore he had never seen a man and a woman get on so well so quickly – ignoring himself and Pepper because they didn't get on at first. In a discussion about the voices of Asgard, Thora had spoken up confidently and Thor replied – 'I had been thinking the same young warrioress'. Thora was built just like the man himself, except the hair was thicker and longer which had made Clint and Tony giggle like boys.

'Mr Stark, meet Dr Brie Banner'

'Hello'

Tony was over than a head taller than her and looked down at the flicking-up, messy black curls that framed her face.

'Call me Tony. Brie Banner you need to meet-'

'Are you sure that's a good idea, Stark?' Fury could go and jump off the top of S.H.E. HQ for all Tony could care.

'It's the best one! Come with me' Tony offered and with her hands stuffed in ripped jeans pockets _Dr Banner _followed him.

'JARVIS. Open the lab doors, is Bruce down here?' he asked.

'Dr Banner is, sir. He has just completed the algorithm puzzle you gave him I believe' and man if JARVIS didn't sound happy about that. Although the Al was built solely by Tony, JARVIS had begun to log and detail things about everyone in the tower, from their likes ajnd dislikes, how they take their coffee – or in Bruce's case how he wants his tea even down to how they walk. JARVIS could sense, without the cameras, who was where in the building.

'Oh hopefully he doesn't hate me' Tony muttered before stepping into the lab. 'Howdy' he said and Bruce grinned before rolling his eyes. He did that a lot with Tony.

'Really? _Fock Matrix__.' _

_'__It took you a while to realise though, huh?' Tony jibed._

_'__What, I actually thought you had given me something difficult'_

_'__That's _in quantum chemistry. Two-dimensional array representing the electronic structure of an atom or molecule. Not bad, if not elementary' and Tony blinked.

'Sorry, Dr Banner meet – ur uh – Dr Banner. ' Tony gave room and Brie used her left hand to push up her glasses, curiously looking at Bruce.

Tony just watched the two.

'Nice to meet you. It's pleasant to know someone who has the same – issues' Brie said, a flicker of a malevolent smirk catching her eyes. 'Call me Brie. It's Bruce, right?'

Bruce smiled warmly at her and nodded. 'I helped run the checks on everyone. I couldn't believe it'

'Me neither, yet, hello there'

Tony felt out of place, like he wasn't needed which rarely happened. He felt the need to withdraw. So, he did exactly that.

'Right, you two, I am going to leave you to get properly acquainted. Bruce can show you some of the equipment we're working on' Tony bounded like a puppy.

'This lab is so like Toni's, _our Toni, _I mean' Brie said thoughtfully.

'Where is- Ms Stark?' Tony asked, to Brie essentially, however JARVIS answered.

'Ms Stark appears to be in deep conversation with Mr Barton and Mr Rogers'

Tony growled.

'Seriously'

'Don't want her stealing your thunder, Tony' Bruce teased.

'Right. Where are they at JARVIS?' Tony asked, and he could make bets on them being in the kitchen.

'Kitchen, sir'. _Bingo._

* * *

**Kitchen, Stark Tower, 11:34am**

Tony walked into the kitchen, finding Clint leaning on the counter with a cup of something. Steve sat one of the chairs around the table at a comfortable distance from the centre of the room. Toni. Who was slumped in her chair, wearing a thin and worn Black Sabbath t-shirt and from what Tony could tell, True Religion jeans, was telling a story to both men. The arc reactor – he hadn't noticed before – glowed a little through the cotton.

'—and I was plummeted, I don't know, fifty-sixty feet, downwards. The armor started to come off and – oh hi Tony!' she beamed at him with perfect white teeth.

'Hey, feeling at home?' he joked and she chuckled. He pulled out a chair and ungracefully let himself drop, feet crossed at the ankles.

'Actually yes. Have you kidnapped my girl?' and Tony cocked his head in confusion.

'Bannner. Brie' she prompted, still grinning.

'Oh, she's in the lab with Bruce. I think it might be the start of something' Tony waggled his eyebrows.

''Doubt that somehow but we can dream' she winked. 'Have you released Stark Phone 6.5 yet?' Toni asked and Tony's eyes widened.

'No' he replied tentatively.

'Weird, isn't it? Yeah, they went into production last week- enhanced camera zoom and clarity' she added, raising her own cup of what smelt like black and mint coffee to her lips.

'Nice work' he praised and then frowned.

She seemed to get the problem he was having as she laughed, leaning across to grip his forearm.

'I know' she said, patting him hard, then reclining once again. 'Y'see I bumped into – uh – _Tony _here outside a coffee shop on main street'.

'Oh so you're the hot woman in Tom Ford?' Clint asked and Tony resisted the urge the throw Steve's forgotten cup at him. The archer had a mouth on him. Tony wasn't sure how he made it as an agent and hadn't ended up in a ditch somewhere in Pakistan.

'Why Tony thank you' Toni's eyes danced with glee.

Tony glared at Katniss, agreeing.

'Well, I wasn't so sure. You seemed rather captivated by Stephanie'

Clint coughed on his drink (serves him right, that's karma asshole) and Steve gave him a funny look.

'What?! A woman dressed like a babe for the 40s, on her own-cut me some slack- I didn't know who she was' Tony defended rather petulantly.

Clint was sniggering behind his cup and even Steve –Captain America – had a grin on his face.

'Well, even I can say-' Toni stopped and her eyebrows knotted at something on her phone that she'd just pulled out from her jeans, but then whatever it was could wait because 'She's quite cute'. She rose, adjusted her jeans, walked round the table. 'Catch you later boys! Oh and Tony' a hand came down on his shoulder, 'It would be cool to see the Stark PADDs at some point' with a squeeze of her hand she was gone. Tony wasn't the only tactile person here, clearly.

Clint was – dammit the archer was checking her out!

'Barton! Quit it' he admonished, feeling, a little violated and a little flattered at the same time.

'Yeah, yeah, Stark like you haven't,' was the eloquent response he got.

* * *

**Sunday evening, living room, 20:42pm**

Natasha appeared late Sunday, a cut on her jaw which had been fixed by S.H.E.I.L.D in medical bay, but she looked no happier. When Clint fussed she smacked him away. Steve handed her a cup of tea which she gratefully accepted, tucking her feet under Steve's thighs.

Huh.

Tony almost walked into a wall of muscle that was neither Thor nor Steve nor Clint.

'Sorry' came the reply which – wow he must be tired because that had a _Russian_ lilt to it.

Stepping back, out of the way, Tony's voice got stuck. The man who was partly glowering at him was tall, slender – like Tony slender (but he's not going to admit to slender, tightly packed or whatever) - with deep red hair that had was cut similar to Clint's, pale skin that Tony' known to be Norwegian, Finish, Estonian, Latvian, Lithuanian and Polish, all of whom Tony's known in his life, and –

'Do you know where Claire or Stephanie is?' he asked bluntly.

Steve and Natasha looked interested.

'Uh Stephanie is with Toni and Claire was at S.H.E.I.L.D HQ the last I heard' Tony gave himself credit for being able to say that sentence as smoothly as he did.

'Are you Nathaniel by any chance?' Steve asked, and Tony gave the super soldier a questioning look – seriously? Who tells Steve this stuff and not him?

'Yes. Nathaniel Romanoff, pleasure' he held out a hand and Steve got up to greet him the proper way.

'Steve Rogers. This is Natasha. Just how much have you been told about this situation?' Steve asked, and Nathaniel's eyes were locked onto Natasha who stared right back without concern.

'Enough. Hello Agent Romanoff' he held out a palm faced upwards, and Natasha took it, twisting it sharply to a straight handshake.

'Agent' Natasha replied.

Nathaniel's attention switched back to Steve, shoulders squaring in the most subtle way but Tony caught it and so did Steve.

'Rogers, did you say?' he asked.

'Yes that's right' Steve said, polite and self-effacing for the time being.

Nathaniel made a noise at the back of his throat, looking Steve up and down, then realising Tony was standing there.

'Tony Stark' Tony said and the Russian extended his hand, analysing the situation, eyes green but cold. If Tony thought, Natasha could be frightening he didn't want to think what _a man_ with her abilities would be like.

'Ah, I see'. Now that was cryptic and totally _Natasha_.

'Great to meet you, Romanoff. Sit down, want a drink?' Tony offered, glancing at his watch. Nathaniel shook his head with a 'thanks', placing himself on the arm chair to Natasha's left.

'Claire has told me about you. You're her partner?' Steve asked.

'I keep her out of trouble'

'I know the feeling' Natasha muttered and Nathaniel gave Natasha a look inviting her to elaborate and she did. Tony and Steve listened as Natasha explained the camaraderie between herself and Clint; in turn, Nathaniel talked about Claire. The parallels were stunning.

'You have a scar, where did you get that?' Nathaniel asked, sounding oddly protective, a frown creasing his forehead.

'Spain'

'You were there,where? I've just come back'

'Asturias' Natasha replied.

Tony beckoned Steve who easily got out of his seat and they wandered through the house, leaving the two agents to exchange life experiences. 'How're you feelin', Cap?'

'Fine thank you, Tony'

'You aren't even a little freaked out by all this?' he asked, remembering Pepper's reaction in meeting 'the crew',(she was miffed by Toni hugging her and kissing her on the cheek).

'Well, it's… bizarre, I'll say that much. But they're all _lovely_' Steve finished.

'Including Mr Romanoff in there' Tony indicated in the direction of the living room. 'I mean it's logical. All the guys are now girls, it makes sense but_ woah_' he added – ' Lovely?! Uh they're us but women and one man'. That hadn't occurred to Steve clearly, as he blinked rapidly and stopped in his tracks. 'Never mind. Hey, JARVIS?' Tony asked.

'Sir?'

'Get everyone in the cinema room'

'Yes, sir' – 'Mr Stark requests you all in the cinema room. He did say _all of you _Mr Barton' and Steve chuckled.

Tony shook his head and headed to their destination, collapsing onto the middle couch and getting comfy. Steve sat to Tony's right.

'JARVIS, can you bring up the film selection from last week?' Steve asked the AI politely.

'Certainly Captain Rogers'

'Don't suck up JARVIS, it doesn't suit you' Tony said.

'I wasn't 'sucking up' sir, merely doing as the Captain wanted'

Tony glowered at nothing in particular, the door opening and in came the rest of their now very large group. Scuffling, shifting, sliding, eventually everyone was happy. JARVIS spoke up.

'Last week's films were Argo, Les Miserables, The Hunger Games, and The Dark Knight Rises'

'JARVIS come up with a selection based on those titles' Steve requested, cutting Tony off prior to any speech emitting, as he opened his mouth to speak. Natasha looked impressed.

'Certainly Captain'

'Er excuse me. Don't go all Hal on me, please' Tony said.

'Sucks, doesn't it? When your own Al likes your team-mates better than you' Toni quipped, bringing her feet up to cross beneath her.

'He doesn't. He's just sassing me' Tony said.

'Of course Mr Stark'

'Yeah, yeah. Titles please, Captain gave you an order' Tony smirked, laughter fluttering around the crowd. Everyone was either curled into someone, or leaning on someone else, and it was a fairly big room. Also, Claire had plonked down next to Steve offering him some popcorn to which she had helped herself from the kitchen. Tony would be annoyed only Clint did it all the time so it didn't seem any different. Thora sat beside Stephanie, their backs against the knees of the people actually sitting on the couch provided.

'Sir, I have compiled a selection of movies based on the titles you asked for. We Bought A Zoo, Rent, The Lincoln Lawyer and finally Ronin'

'Talk about jumping eras' Claire said.

'Okay, action/thrillers, a musical or a family film?' Toni asked and there was a murmur of ideas.

'The Lincoln Lawyer?' Bruce offered and hence forth a decision was made.

'You heard the Dr, JARVIS' Tony said snatching the popcorn bowl from Claire who made an indignant sound.

He didn't see The Lincoln Lawyer when it had come out, but Tony agreed it was a good film with a solid cast. The cast of a movie is always the key to its success.

Okay, so he might have thrown some popcorn at Stephanie and Clint but would you resist, truly?

Randomly he found that both Stephanie and Steve liked Rocky Horror Picture Show – which broke each member's brain (because that was avant garde for its time) and yet Stephanie could sing Sweet Transvestite with no problem (she could sing really freaking well, too, cueing Tony to nudge Steve who just shook his head violently and blanched).

This was nice. This Tony, strangely, could get used to.

* * *

**Date and time inconclusive. But it's very early morning.**

Once Tony had ventured out as Iron Man, his life had morphed, settled even, he could give back to the country he unknowingly betrayed. Once he joined the Avengers, Tony had made friends, found a family of people who were just as broken as him and who were as stubborn about not wanting to be put back together by some idiot in PR Management. Now, he walked up the stairs from the lab, having been absent for – doing the calculations – 54 hours and sleeping for a likelihood of 7 of those, he was on the hunt for a sandwich or food to settle his stomach. Trudging bare footed into the kitchen, the low hum of the equipment the only sound, Tony blindly reached for the fridge. Squinting and blinking at the bright white glow as he opened the door, he picked out the rest of the lasagne that – huh – apparently Natasha and Thora had made. Tony didn't know whether to be scared for either a deliberately laced poison (Natasha) or bad cooking. That wasn't him being sexist! Just _Thor _couldn't cook in the 'midrigardian way', so he doubted _Thora _could. He weighed up his chances and stuck it in the microwave.

'You know, I used to ignore Toni when she did this but, it's really not a good idea' a voice said.

Claire walked over to slide onto one of the counter stools. Tony shrugged.

'Geniuses don't sleep. Us 'super-achievers' are always highly-ambitious, and the underlying drives or motives for success may vary from one individual to another but we don't need the time wasted when somebody else could be stealing our ideas' Tony said.

'So say Chairman Mao' Claire grimaced and Tony gave her a tired smile at her political joke. Clint should take lessons from her.

'Oh just so you know. Sorry for the man handling when we met'

'No you're not'

'I am. Truly!' he protested then all was quiet.

'This is going to sound fucked up probably but what's the _thing _like between Steve and Natasha?' and Claire held his gaze before looking down to scratch at the counter top, distracted.

'You're leaps and bounds ahead of me – which not many can do. What _thing, _Katniss?' he asked, rubbing his hair.

Claire didn't even bite back about the nickname.

'Is there anything going on with them?'

'Stars and Stripes and the USSR?' he asked incredulously. Claire glared briefly before somnolently nodding.

Tony thought the woman was nuts but then he gave it some headway and _yeah, he could see it. _From the start, Natasha liked Steve the best – this is Black Widow we're talking about here. When he would watch, they worked well in the battlefield, almost seamlessly. Natasha trusted Clint (no doubt about it, she cared for the guy) but that had been over years of going on missions together. As far as Steve was concerned, Natasha relaxed just that little bit around him. Not anyone else. Tony's brain logged different moments where there was an intimacy and sweetness.

'I don't know. Maybe. Why?' he asked Claire. The microwave pinged, Tony wincing at the sound. He retrieve d his dish, hunting for the cutlery drawer.

'I can see it between Nate and Steph and, shit, I just –' she broke off, stopping herself.

Tony was useless in situations like this, never knowing what to say to help as he couldn't even deal with his own emotions. It wasn't the Stark way to let it show. Tony grabbed two forks and slid the second over to the archer before sitting down opposite.

'Is Tony Stark sharing food with me? I must alert The New Yorker!' Claire said and Tony flashed a grin, digging into the cheese and cream sauce and hitting mince.

'You tell anyone and I'll set The Hulk on you' and even though he didn't specify which Hulk, he didn't really have to.

'You got it Stark, your secret is safe with me'

They ate slowly in silence.

'I'm scared' Claire said out of the blue just as Tony had inserted food into his mouth. He chewed. He didn't ask what about, he knew. 'I don't want to lose him, I don't want him to forget me' and Claire's big eyes were hard and shiny. She wasn't crying because S.H.E.I.L.D agents don't know how to, right?

'Are you kidding? Barton, I've known you for – what – nearly a month-' yep, a month of coming in and out, having stupid talks about motorbikes and sniper rifles and watching horror movies and laughing as Brie and Steve jump a foot in the air at a scary part. '- and call me a sap but I'm not gonna to forget you. Too much of a pain in the ass. So, yeah no, Nathaniel isn't gonna forget you'.

'Man, you must think I'm an idiot'

'I think you all are. You're not stupid but you're not me' he said – there's the asshole bit that people hated.

'Sure Stark'

* * *

**New York City streets, 16:17pm**

Iron Man bolted into the sky and observed the scene, desperately wanting to laugh hysterically however the comms were online so he couldn't – well, not without Fury or Cap admonishing him from a distance. But he did let out a manic giggle.

The scene looked hilarious. Two Hulks at reverse ends of the expanse of destruction, Thor and Thora were controlling the Empire State building size, green and silver monstrosity that if Tony was serious, he would think was one of Loki's pets. It wouldn't die, just ate everything in its path that was small or wasn't fast enough to get the hell out of the way. Tony had evacuated a group of people, one woman had asked him what the thing was and Tony answered scrupulously: _He didn't have a clue._ However, there was no way in hell that that thing was not having the Iron Man suit as a happy meal. Apparently, the green monstrosity had children too, since hundreds of these miniature creatures swarmed the streets. _Oh for fucks sake, _he thought. Hawkeye and Hawkeye's twin sister were perched on the high rises, running along and jumping off gaps they really shouldn't, to help. Tony had manufactured a new set of arrows laced with Sarin: a poison that had been put on the United Nations' Weapons of Mass Destruction list in 1993. The look both archers gave him was positively unnerving. Iron Man and Black Widow 2.0 (don't tell Natasha, but Nathaniel could never replace her. There, he said it go away) were acting like a part time acrobat couple and boy did that man _move. _A dual blast at the Slytherin-coloured style monster children from both Iron Man and Iron Woman eliminated a row.

'_Iron Man, what's your location, do you need help?' _

Cap's voice asked and JARVIS pulled up the super soldier's locus, including Miss Captain America. Mutually they were running around, helping each Avenger, using their skills and commanding and leading.

'_It's fine. All fine Spangles, do you need-' _

Inopportunely Tony couldn't end that question because he was suddenly covered full bodied in fire. _How the fu- _the suit absorbed and stopped the burning, JARVIS notified him that the power had decreased and the efficiency had plummeted.

_Shit._

Tony backed off, assessing the stats on his screen. The idea of 'fight fire with fire' came to mind, but he ignored it, about to avenge – literally. When the monster twisted towards him, and when Tony was certain he was going to take another hit (he couldn't get out the way quick enough with the resistance he had) when a red, white and blue shield blocked the fire and Tony caught it. It saved him.

Cap still had his shield so …

Standing on a crumpled Lexus was Miss Captain America, missing a certain vibranium-adimantium alloy shield. Iron Man's targeting zoom confirmed the small smirk on the Captain. He threw the shield back.

'_You're welcome, Iron Man'_ said Miss Captain America.

There was the Rogers underneath: the smug, little soldier that didn't know when to say 'no'. Tony set the speed and headed down to the street, landing on the road, safeguarding the super soldier. Thor sidled up to Tony, watching the monster with a cross sort of interest.

'Man of Iron how do you suppose we take care of this?' the Asgardian asked.

'_Yeah Iron Man, got any ideas?' –_ that was Toni.

'_Can you guys please back up a little' _– Cap's voice pleaded.

'Perhaps, idiots, I could lend a hand'

Tony knew that arrogant, self-opinionated English accent.

Great, just great. Loki.

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Review if you want me to continue with this or if you like/don't like a portrayal of someone etc. Otherwise, thanks for reading the whole way through.


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